Why are people so afraid to open up about their desires and feelings pertaining to sex? Is it just kinky sex or do we not live in a very sexually repressed culture where all forms of sexual expression are met with stigmatization?

stigmatize, stigmatise [ˈstɪgməˌtaɪz] vb (tr) 1. to mark out or describe (as something bad)
2. to mark with a stigma or stigmata  stigmatization , stigmatisation n

I was reading a thread on a bdsm website where a person stated that sex ('vanilla' sex that is) is not stigmatized and only kinky sex was stigmatized. Was this person kidding? This statement touches on how people like to categorize things. We have kinky sex on one 'side' and everything else on the other. While I acknowledge that some people certainly have more of an inclination to express their sexuality through kinky activities, it's still human sexuality. To divide things up in such a way, supports further stigmatization in my opinion. Is gay sex something other than human sexuality just because it is between two men? I think the goal here is for human culture to acknowledge and respect that there are many forms and expressions of human sexuality and it all falls under the same umbrella: SEX. The key is to maintain healthy boundaries no matter the expression and this automatically excludes non consensual behaviors, for instance.

As I see it sexuality all the way around is stigmatized, not just what has been labeled kinky sexuality. Sure there are more progressive attitudes these days, in fact it is pretty amazing what has happened since the Internet came along. Nonetheless, mainstream culture in the United States is still wrestling with coming to terms with sexuality. I find this culture to be a very sexually confused culture, with sex being used in the marketing of products and media to such a high degree yet at the same time this is a very sexually repressed culture where people are often too afraid to open up about their feelings and desires. The shaming of sexuality is very common throughout this culture.

My work as a pro Dominatrix has all but hammered this into my head (yes I have some masochistic tendencies however this won’t do it for me).

Sexuality being an all together stigmatized subject, of course anything outside of the normal sexual construct is even more stigmatized; and all of this effects how people develop sexually.

The people who have come to me for sessions are most often not in the bdsm lifestyle to any degree whatsoever. They are people who for whatever reason unique to their circumstances have no desire to do so or are not able to go out and get involved in a bdsm community. In addition, these are often people who do not feel they can express or share their desires with the people in their lives, and there are many cases where people had tried to share and were met with rolling eyes, rejection or even disgust (and worse).

If I had a dollar for every time I heard: "I must be sick or have something wrong with me for wanting to do this" or every time I was told: "you are the first person I have ever confided in about this, what a relief it is to finally be able just to TALK about it" I would have a small fortune. I have been amazed regarding how long certain people had kept silent about desires that were obviously a driving force for them, yet they had suppressed it nonetheless.

(Funny, I had a guy during a call stating that he must be crazy because he fantasizes about being tied up (and he is serious). I say to him “if you are crazy I must be absolutely insane by your standards”. I mean, really!)

The Internet has allowed many people to finally see that they were not the ‘only one’ after all, with the desires and feelings and fantasies they have. With these fantasies being so common among every day people (which has been my experience) I believe as a culture we need to be asking why and looking deeper into our sexual psychology and in a more direct honest way (and without the shaming!).

I liken the way this society handles sexuality to the way some parents handle finding out their child has discovered masturbation; it's completely awkward or there is no communication at all, or there is shaming and punitive reactions. Well meaning parents often shame their children for masturbation and this is not a healthy sexual foundation for a human being to develop from. It amazes me to think that as a culture we are still avoiding these subjects and reacting to them in the way we do.
 
People will communicate with me about thinking they are 'weird' or even possibly 'sick' for desiring some of the things they fantasize about. I think it is very important to keep oneself in check at all times, regarding every aspect of one's health and well being. However, people are sifting through a lot of psychological goobledegook that comes out of shaming and a multitude of sexual stigmas that have been programmed into our psychological construct (through living in a sexually repressed culture). It also seems to me, that in the past certain activities would have been more so labeled as 'sinful' (there are people who still use this line of thinking) whereas today it is more common to label something as 'sick' because not everyone is coming from a religious ideology. I observe people labeling themselves as sick merely because they want to experiment sexually and this is unfortunate in my opinion. It's no different than labeling someone who is gay as being sick because they are gay. Gay and lesbian people have had to fight (and are still fighting) for their right to simply BE WHO THEY ARE and to not be labeled as sick. It wasn't long ago that the mental health community maintained that being gay was a mental illness. Various forms of sexual expression are still being labeled as mental illnesses by the mental health community and people are fighting for their sexual rights.

I have engaged thousands of people in the capacity of pro dominatrix, and the people I have met with over the last decade have shared their innermost feelings and desires.

I have had people in my play studio who have stated that they had been struggling to shut down their urges for over twenty years or more before they finally made a move to explore and express what had been an important aspect of their sexuality. Many times they described the rest of their sexual activities as being limited, non-existent and was a topic that was avoided. (I wanted to discuss not only their fetishes, but what they felt and experienced in regard to all aspects of their sexuality). The picture I have seen developing over the last decade reveals to me that many people are unable to fully evolve sexually and they will compartmentalize aspects of their sexuality rather than develop in a holistic manner.

Isn’t it a ‘whole’ thing? Not a fragmented thing? Are we fragmented people? Yes. Do people shut parts of themselves off? Yes.

Do I have a sexuality that encompasses ALL of my desires, feelings, fetishes and fantasies? Or do I have different sexualities, such as a kinky sexuality on the left and a ‘normal’ sexuality on the right? I think it is about time that we put it all together and accept it all as a part of who we are. I enjoy what is called ‘vanilla’ sex, and I enjoy my kinky sex, but it is all my sexuality.

People live in fragments categorizing themselves through their perceptions and if they go as far as to shut down parts of themselves out of fear or for whatever reason, how can they develop to their full capacity as human beings? Sexuality is a core component of who we are as a whole being, right? To be honest with ourselves and each other would no doubt be the healthiest path- however the shame, the stigmas and fears keep people from being able to do this. Now this IS a shame. There is a lot of unnecessary pain caused by shaming and stigmatization. It doesn't help that the media often portrays kinky sex and kinky people in a sensationalistic manner rather than approaching these subjects in a more realistic humane way.

Now within the bdsm/fetish communities we are able to see a lot of people openly engaging their sexuality, people are discussing things and exploring their sexuality proactively.

I have often referred to what I have observed at times in the bdsm culture as 'state of the art' sexuality, in that people are doing some pretty amazing stuff in regard to communication, exploration, and in the development of the culture itself. People are coming together forming communties to celebrate and declare quite openly their stand regarding their sexuality and diversity.

Within the bdsm/fetish culture there are systems that have been implemented involving protocols for safety and behavior, in many cases self-policing and protecting, profound levels of communication, negotiation, and so much more that is focused on the primary sex organ...the BRAIN. Though many people cannot get involved in such a community.

It is no wonder to me that many of the people who call me for sessions are usually very articulate intelligent people, such as engineers, doctors, lawyers, people who use their brains and who are 'in their heads' (top space as it is called) the majority of the time. There are quite a few people who manage a lot or have high stress positions. But regardless of whether or not a person is a Doctor or a construction worker, all of these people want something more involved than the usual sexual scenario, though too often their perception of this aspect of their sexuality is stigmatized.

Did humans collectively forget (or did they ever collectively realize as of yet) that we evolve sexually just as we evolve in other areas such as technologically, emotionally, mentally, etc.? it seems obvious enough, but……

I happen to believe that we should be tying it all together (pun intended for a little bdsm joke here), in a more holistic approach to sex, life and our development individually as well as culturally.

As a culture we have barely begun to scratch the sexual surface it seems to me.

This was just a little thought process in the afternoon......

~Domina Elle

Here are some related articles you may enjoy:

Do you really have a sexual fetish?

Bound and flagged

DominaElle.Com - Bondage Forums:> For your information! Frequently asked questions!             

It is important that a person share their limits and boundaries with me. It is no less important that you know MINE. Here are some of my limits as well as some additional information on subjects that seem to get brought up enough that I thought I would mention where I stand, here…..FYI. 

No, I do not have a stable of slaves that I keep caged in my basement.
(I personally like to keep my slaves at a separate location from where I live. Ha, just kidding).

No, I do not think that women should rule the planet and that men should be as naked collared animals.

Yes, I enjoy this FANTASY scenario from time to time.  

The fantasy of men being slaves to women can be a very interesting play scenario and can get pretty ‘realistic’ at times to be sure. But in REALITY I see all of my fellow human beings as equally deserving respect and consideration. Outside of the context of a PLAY scenario I do not focus my perceptions on either male or female being the dominant sex. That is called SEXISM. I believe each person has both masculine and feminine within them. To have a balance is the goal. We can PLAY and IMAGINE unlimited scenarios though always maintaining a healthy perspective as well as healthy boundaries.

No, I will not have sex with you.

The majority of people seeking my services already realize that I am not offering ‘sex’. I mention this here in behalf of those people who may not realize this for whatever reason. I am a bdsm/kinky play facilitator. This form of play can be and usually is absolutely sexually charged, and is pleasurable as well as therapeutic. But no sex. This is about the sex organ between your EARS. This is about PLAY that involves power exchange, predicaments, and psychological predicaments.

Different providers have varying styles, skills and motives. Here you will learn about MINE. This site is designed to allow you to get to know where I am coming from and what I am trying to achieve with each person I engage... in PLAY.

Depending on the type of session/play involved, many people enjoy this form of escapism much like others enjoy sky diving or going on an adventure to broaden their horizons.

For others this is a time for them to completely let go of control and in a very profound way. For those people who have high stress jobs or who manage and oversee a lot of responsibility every day, to let go of power and control is an extremely therapeutic way to relieve stress. In these scenarios there is a very erotic aspect which adds a very pleasurable dimension to what is happening.

Based on my experience, I believe that the more stress, the more pressure and the more negativity that a human being has to deal with daily (which would require a person to be in control also referred to as 'top space'), the more therapeutic it is for that person to step out of that frame of mind and through activities involving a loss of control and the exchange of power, these people are allowed 'DOWN TIME' that is balancing and healthy with the right circumstances involved..

This form of adult play is FUN and entertaining as well as therapeutic. We can call it a form of 'adult play therapy' if you will.

Bdsm and fetish activities are referred to as PLAY.

"It IS called 'PLAY' for a reason!"

~Domina Elle

This kind of play is erotic, fun and very entertaining.

Though in addition, these scenarios afford people the opportunity to explore and observe themselves psychologically through the ‘acting out’ process.

Depending on the circumstances and the people involved (this is very important in this context), this form of exploration can be a catalyst for personal growth and awareness and in a manner that is often healing and strengthening. Not that everyone seeking a session is concerned with any of that or even aware of this being the case, but many actually ARE (if not, they certainly will be after talking and meeting with me).

For many, it is a relief simply to open up and talk about their feelings after holding it all in for so long. How many times have I heard someone say that I was the only person that they had ever confided in about their feelings and thoughts (or someone in my capacity). Too many too count. I am honored to be a person that other people will share such personal insights and feelings with; and I do not take this lightly.

My hope is that future generations will be better equipped to better understand sexuality and to have a greater capacity in regard to social emotional skills, self-awareness, and that the shame and stigma attached to sexuality will be greatly minimized if not eradicated (a tall order? Perhaps!).

What we are dealing with here is sexuality let there be no doubt, as well as psychology.

What do I offer? What do I do? Firstly, I provide a safe environment where a person can freely express what they are thinking and feeling without the fear of being judged, labeled or seen as ‘weird’. Many people have desires and feelings which they do not feel they can open up about, even if they would like to.  ‘Kinky’ people have consistently hesitated to confide in psychologists and other health professionals despite whatever credentials might be involved. Providers (such as me) are in a very unique position. We have the opportunity to gaze into those secret places that are kept so tightly guarded and hidden and despite any lack of ‘credentials’.

What kind of person is kinky or has a sexual fetish?

Professionals, successful people, working class people, ‘normal’ everyday people! This is the person you know from work, your doctor, your lawyer, the teacher, the football coach, the engineer, the computer tech, the physicist, the bus driver, the waitress, the student, your neighbors, you name it; everyday people from all walks of life. If you are reading this and you are assuming that the people I see for play sessions are perverted sex addicts or sick people, you are absolutely mistaken. In fact, you can start by taking a look in the mirror or to the person sitting next to you if you want an example of a person who calls me for a session.

These are most often people you would never guess as being 'kinky' and why would you be able to?

Provided that people are maintaining healthy boundaries, there is nothing unhealthy or 'weird' about exploring one's sexuality, engaging in experimental scenarios, and having a fun and healthy sex life.

~Domina Elle

There have been situations where people have tried to open up about their sexual preferences, fantasies and feelings only to be met with judgments from people who simply did not relate or understand or who had stigmatized perspectives. There are many stigmas that we all constantly deal with in regard to our sexuality.

Sex has been and still remains that subject that no one really wants to discuss in a serious rational manner. Even since the ‘sexual revolution’ as it is called, human sexuality has been greatly misunderstood, continually stigmatized, and there has been far too little research done in regard to human sexuality, in particular anything outside of what is seen as ‘normal’.

I believe that if people were nurtured from the start to be more self aware and in tune with who they are, which would require people to feel safe to be who they are, this would go far in realizing healthier and longer lasting relationships, not to mention more fulfilling sexual relationships.

How many people cannot honestly tell their mate about their sexual desires? How many years have individuals carried around secret feelings and desires, keeping them hidden from the people who they are closest to in their lives for fear of rejection and worse?

This is not to say that everyone should or needs to share what they feel all the time.

Many of the instances I have been privy to, where someone attempted to share their secrets with a girlfriend or wife that involved the person’s partner getting upset or rejecting them, seemed to involve a stigmatized perspective. People do care about what others think. People are very quick to judge and may reject anything they do not understand. When it comes to a husband getting caught by his wife dressing in women’s undergarments for example, it can be very upsetting for the wife. The first thing she might generally think is ‘what would everyone think’? Thoughts of how society would label such a thing as ‘wrong’ or ‘weird’ or even ‘sick’ may arise. Even though this is the man she knows as her husband, seeing him like this may not be a comfortable thing for her initially, or ever. People are often ill equipped to handle these very personal and private situations.

Recently I was enlightened in regard to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I was amazed to see how it helped to give me a vocabulary in regard to the many things I have come to understand after being a pro Dominatrix for as long as I have. Particularly important to me is the top of maslow's pyramid, which relates to self actualization. But I am getting ahead of myself...

I have always asked my clients a lot of questions. It matters to me that I possess the capacity to facilitate for the people I play with on a more profound level than the typical session experience. Motives are everything. It became clear that there are a variety of motives behind the people who choose this line of work. For some it is clearly only money they seek and they do not go out of their way to understand the people who are seeking their services, let alone to actually facilitate a scenario that is useful to a person’s emotional, mental, and sexual development. Motives rooted only in personal gain or a desire for noteriety do not exactly facilitate an all around positive experience and I was interested in taking things much further. I was compelled to do so especially after realizing how alone many people are with their feelings and desires. I observed the relief that people experienced just being able to finally speak openly.

Before I became a pro domme I worked many years as a certified massage therapist specializing in deep tissue massage (I am not alone, there are quite a few bdsm professionals who have transitioned from massage therapy and other vocations within the holistic medicine realm). I enjoyed this work very much because of the intimacy, the level of personal connection involved, and it was an honor to be allowed into each person’s personal space. I loved the challenge of assisting people who were living with chronic pain in finding alternative methods to that which the medical 'establishment' offers. I enjoy helping people. I enjoy helping myself in the same manner. I am learning, always learning and evolving my understanding and working to better myself and my skills.

My work as a pro Dominatrix has been quite a journey that I find to be somewhat similar to what I experienced as a massage therapist, only in this context I am dealing with more complex aspects of a person’s psychology, in particular as relates to sexuality, self-awareness, and self-actualization for example.

In the scenarios I engage in with people, they are truly vulnerable and are exposing aspects of themselves that are very personal and very real. During these scenarios I witnessed that some people were 'processing'. These processes can involve acknowledging and working through shame issues, gender issues, conflicting feelings about how a person identifies sexually, and a myriad of feelings and desires that have often been suppressed for one reason or another.

I realized that I was in a position to facilitate something good for people that would in turn be useful to them as well as for myself. This kind of ‘play’ is very interesting, enjoyable, entertaining, and is a therapeutic way for people to ‘act out’ their feelings; much like play therapy works for kids. This adult version, as specifically relates to human sexuality, allows people to 'act out', or ‘play’ and through self observation a person can process, which can lead to acceptance and self-actualization.

I have to ask you to ask yourself, how can people truly self-actualize if they are shutting down aspects of who they are out of shame, feelings of guilt or fear? The ‘shut down’ is often the result of fear, societal influences, shame, pressures, self-doubt, religious ideologies, etc. They are not even allowed the chance to discover through communication that what they may be fantasizing about is actually NOT something they would like in reality. It has also been my experience that some people are terrified by their own thoughts and feelings, as if other people can know what they are thinking and will suddenly judge them to be a weirdo, therefore they never dare consider actually discussing their feelings with a mate or a loved one. It is important to note that the majority of what people have shared with me has been anything but sick or weird. Since sexuality is stigmatized, let alone anything out of the ‘accepted as normal’ category, people easily label themselves as weird or sick. This is very unfortunate though extremely common.

Perhaps a good analogy might be a gay person who is afraid to admit (even to themselves) that they are gay, for fear of what might happen. How can this person freely develop to their full potential? With the stigmatized ‘voices’ throughout society always pushing that this and that is ‘wrong’ or even ‘sick’, there is always a considerable amount of social pressure that we all deal with that keeps many people from fearlessly exploring these feelings and ideas. There have been many gay and lesbian people who have shut down aspects of who they are, denying themselves. This entire scenario is dehumanizing. Lifetimes of denial and pain are the result.

This scenario is in no way limited to gays and lesbians. It applies to a lot of different people from all walks of life.

It is not that I am approaching this from a 'clinical' standpoint. When I play, I PLAY. However I am very cognizant of what is happening on a variety of levels. I am acting as a guide in this capacity. I have the play studio (or dungeon as it is commonly referred to), I have the toys and equipment, and this is a sexy adventure, hopefully one that will be exciting and enjoyable; I simply acknowledge the underlying implications of it all. I believe this allows me to provide more personal sessions for the people I play with. My motives are to earn a living doing something I love and get fulfillment from, and to facilitate sex positive scenarios for people that are genuinely therapeutic.

I have gleaned so much from the people I have connected with as a pro Dominatrix. I ask a lot of questions, probably some that I should not ask. People are told they can refuse to answer any question I ask, though I have never had this happen. People are so relieved to be sharing and talking. Finally!!!

The more I know about a person the better I can get them into ‘the zone’ (what triggers them, what they feel and fantasize about and why, what they are getting out of the process and if it is healthy or not for them, their experiences with other people pro and not pro [I don't want to know names I just want to know their experience], and other questions I have developed over the years).

The initial questioning process also allows each person inquiring about a session to determine if I am the right person for them. It also allows me to discern whether or not I wish to engage a particular person, because I am certainly not willing to facilitate any and every scenario depending on legality, and whether or not the desired scenario is within healthy boundaries.

I learn so much from these conversations. I have been privy to so many secrets, as have many other dedicated sex positive professionals who truly enjoy this kind of work.

In simple terms, this IS sexual, emotional, and psychologically based therapy.

~Domina Elle

I have been actively engaging my fetishes since my teens, before I had the vocabulary to describe what I was doing as bdsm or fetish and before I was sexually active. I have for some time now enjoyed a wide variety of kinky activities and cross dressing and forced feminization are among some of my many favorites (I am a very versatile and experimental kinkster).

My enjoyment of cross dressing and feminization started in High School. I loved dressing my boy 'friends' in my feminine clothes and this pleasure has continued throughout my life. I have wondered lately what these men must think today as they think back upon these occasions from their youth. Did it spark a fetish? Yes, I enjoyed the power in these moments; for me it was not about emasculating anyone, it was about pushing them into unknown territory pertaining to gender and aptitudes. I was very androgynous and loved playing with this. I know that when I found out that men actually desired and sought out professionals to be feminized, I was blown away and delighted. I do not feminize everyone who walks through my door, though when I do it is something I truly enjoy.

Do you remember?

I am the girl who put you in my panties bra and dress and told you to strut around for me before telling you to get on all fours and pose sexy like a woman for me. I am the girl who laughed while watching you struggle with thoughts about your situation. Yes, I could tell you LIKED it. I could also tell that you were embarrassed at yourself for liking it. I liked watching you struggle with the feelings of pleasure while on the other hand you felt humiliated as you envisioned other people seeing you like this and what they might think. I see you challenging yourself, struggling with these thoughts and feelings. You WANT to go there, you want to surrender yourself to the feeling.....you told yourself that I was MAKING you do it.....

It feels GOOD to be naughty like this, doesn't it? It's naughty to be wearing feminine clothes. It's even naughtier to be feeling SEXY in these clothes....

First let me tell you that I personally see people as being spiritual beings that possess both masculine and feminine polarities. I believe this is physical as well as spiritual. We are electrical vessels and like a battery we use a positive and a negative: yin and yang. I have both testosterone and estrogen, the X and the Y as all humans do. Regarding how people develop I believe we are programmed through societal factors such as pink is for girls and blue is for boys.

I am very much a woman, though spiritually I identify as having both masculine and feminine within me. Why should I develop myself based on how other people perceive gender? My natural feelings are that I am a physical woman however my spirit has no gender, or rather- I am both. Maybe you cannot relate to this, maybe you can. It is what it is to me.

I like to ask questions such as does the soul have a sex? If people live more than one life do they always manifest as the same sex? I believe that we are meant to have a balance within us between the two polarities *ultimately*. I do believe that this life is not the only life we live; however I do not even begin to claim I understand 'it all' (or anything for that matter I am just doing the best I can with what I have and I continue to evolve).

Approaching gender identity-based fetishes it is such a diverse situation. I refer to cross dressing as a gender based fetish much of the time though this is not always the case to be sure. There are many different triggers motives and variations. Some people only focus on particular garments and others want to be fully transformed into the opposite gender temporarily. Some men who cross dress have fantasies involving other men, however many do not and will often see themselves as a lesbian (and the last thing they want to think about is another guy while they are standing there in garters, panties and a bra).

For some the pleasure is based in the humiliation that they feel while wearing the clothes, while for others there is absolutely nothing humiliating about it for them, it's all about the sexy feeling they experience. There are those men who are simply in love with the materials and fabrics as well as the experience of how the clothing feels while on the body; such as the tightness of a corset, the bindings of a garment or a garter belt lying firmly on the flesh of the leg. Some people are triggered by stockings, some by shoes, nylons, latex, PVC, or all of the above. I can totally relate because I absolutely love corsetry, stockings, extremely high heels, latex, leather, and it all feels so good when you're wearing it. Having a corset hugging you tightly is wonderful. Anyone would love it, it's like being hugged.

Quite a number of the people I have met who cross dress or have panty fetishes, etc., have had these feelings since their youth while for others it is a *naughty* experiment in the moment.

Question to self: when we are talking about fetishes and proclivities, as compared to being gay for instance, these fetishes are often seen as 'choices' where it is widely accepted that being gay is not a choice. Perhaps there are other situations in regard to sexuality that are no more a choice for people than it is for a gay person to be gay. I look at myself, and how I am very polyamorous and how it is the way I am wired. I do not see that I necessarily have a choice here. I have a choice in whether or not I want to express it; however I am what I am. How about fetishes? I have seen people who have been driven by a particular fetish for decades, however they had suppressed it hoping it would go away yet it never would. Shame and fear kept them hiding it but the shame never eradicated the desire, it simply made it a torture for them which in my opinion is truly a shame and results in unnecessary pain.

From what I have observed over many years in my capacity as a pro domme is that people need to be able to express and even act out their feelings.

It really should go without saying that we are not talking about destructive behaviors that involve criminal abuse or non-consensual behaviors. This is where the stigmas come into the picture. This is where sexually repressive constructs reign supreme and people must conform to social norms even when those norms are actually destructive to them.

Another question to self: Where are the REAL boundaries here? Not the boundaries created out of stigmas and societal features, but those boundaries that allow for exploration, experimentation and ultimately personal growth and actualization yet at the same time establish a healthy construct?

It will always be difficult for some people to imagine that getting spanked is healthy and fun for some adult people; however it is not their place to decide for everyone else what those boundaries are, and there can be no 'broad stroking' anymore if we are going to get to the bottom of these issues. Our culture is expanding at an incredible rate as far as information is concerned and we should approach these subjects in a more rational compassionate manner than we have in the past.

Human sexuality has been heavily burdened with shame and stigmatization for far too long and I believe we are all paying a price for it. The shaming of sexuality is not serving or protecting anyone. In fact, I see one of the symptoms of this is that predators and sexual exploiters have an easier time getting away with what they do because everything is kept in the dark rather than being addressed properly.

Parents need better examples in regard to addressing their child's sexual development. Parents are also faced with the daunting task of shielding their children from sexualized media which they are constantly being bombarded with through popular media. I am very concerned with how childhood is being sexualized through media. Katy Perry's main demographic is preteen girls and in one of her recent videos she is acting like a little girl and is having a threesome. With influences such as this being presented parents have their work cut out for them. It doesn't matter what you do in your home if your kid is in school you will still be dealing with what other parents allow and condone. Most parents seem to be 'ok' with their daughters running after Justin Beber and other sexualized teen idols who are themselves sexualized *products* being sold. No I am not happy about this. How could I be? It's only furthering social negatives and works against healthy sex positives.

It might seem strange to some that I am a pro domme and at the same time I am disgusted with how this culture is behaving in this regard, and if so you should ponder this, please. Because you see, where I am coming from as a kink professional and individual is based in adults exploring and enjoying sexual based experimentation within appropriate boundaries. We CAN be very very kinky sexually (and even have a vocation in the adult industry) and at the same time observe healthy boundaries in our lives. Imagine that.

In my opinion kinky play should be fun and as I have stated continually here: therapeutic. Bdsm activities do not *have* to be about understanding oneself; however why not make the best of everything each day and through each experience in life? There is so much to be gained from exploring yourself on a deeper level. I believe that is what we are here in this life to do....to seek the truth of every matter, to evolve and to create ourselves and it should never stop.

~ Domina Elle